Uppers

Song: Right Away, Great Captain! - Right Away, Great Captain!

Some times having a blog is the most amazing thing in the world. No matter how many uppers I'm on my life still find's a way to make me cry. I can't vent to anyone cause who wants to hear me wine and complain about how shitty my life is. When I'm back in Cali, where there's sun and my "loving family". How could I be sad? Sure my mom buys me everything and listens to me, and sure my dad loves to talk jokes with me, and sure my sister loves when i give her shit and my brother loves when I talk shit with him. But, where's the wholesomeness in that. I can't believe I'm crying. I thought my pills were supposed to stop this. I've been through so much change and I hated it at college, now I hate it at home. All the arguing and how my brother and sister and everyone leaves me out of everything. Cause there use to that. Leaving for four months is the worst thing to ever do. Change happens fast.

I love pitty parties for myself.

Rituals

Song: Courtship Date - Crystal Castles

When does a ritual become a habit or excessive compulsive? Josh has this habit of trying to get every last drop out of the gas nozzle. I've stopped drinking coffee every morning. And, I've noticed that when I don't drink coffee that day I've very cranky and half asleep all day long. So is that an addiction?

I tried replacing it with green iced tea from Panera Bread. It is so good

 but not enough to keep me in a chipper mood. I guess I'll have to go back to coffee daily. Addiction. My body is use to is and I need it to have any energy at all that day. It's just a ritual. Rightttttt

Miracles

Song: Welcome Home Son - Radical Face

I want to see someone walk on water. I want to see the look on the face of a blind person after they have been healed and see the world of color and life for the first time. I want to dance with a boy who couldn't walk. I want to sing with a person who was once deaf.

Even when God performs miracles more often that they become another common thing. But, even when you do witness one, we still have good old sin nature to pull us back down from our spiritual high. The world consumes us, our thoughts our minds.

I can't stand being a normal lukewarm christian.

Entry 1

Song: Cassius - Foals

If every night could be filled with hot chocolate and the Foals and nylon magazines. Being how I have time to think, and breath, and sleep, and get my teeth cleaned. I guess I'm a normal human being now. No longer a slave robot at a controlling school.

Being home made me realize tat some of the tiny strange things make me feel relaxed and at zen. Like I love how my aged house has two fireplaces that don't work. I love how we have cat-scratching posts in the house wen all our cats are outdoor khats. And I love that huge mess I make when I'm making hot chocolate, and how it blends in with the granite. I like how my house is never out of blue kool-aid and hot cheetos. I like how my room is destroyed and every inch has crap in it from out of ink markers to nike sb shoe boxes.

My sweats are made from someone 3 times my size

Why do people think that just because you haven't talked to them in a month everything has changed. Does time really change everything? I know people change but change is good. Why is it that every time I loose close contact with someone for a few days or weeks they feel that a connection between us is gone? I don't even put periods down. Never have, never will. It's more of a semicolon, or comma. So here's your comma for the night